Vicky
Vicky
I found so much joy after so many years of heartbreak
It is her work with those who have committed terrible crimes that has helped heal Vicky. A registered nurse with special training in mental health education, she runs group counseling programs at a state-run mental health center in Virginia.
I ask them, ‘Who is in charge of your life?’ They are. It’s helped me take charge of mine. They get better—I get better.
Vicky was diagnosed at age 67 with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Growing up, she says her mom treated her differently than her two siblings. But she didn’t understand why. She said she sometimes felt left out.
If there was anything wrong with me, I didn’t know it. But as I got older, everything in life was hard. Relationships were hard. I never considered it might be because of my mental health.
She developed a terrible fear of abandonment. Vicky would unplug her phone on her birthday—assuming no one would call. She never wanted to confirm that suspicion. In her mind, it was better to be alone than to risk being forgotten.
Despite her fear, Vicky did eventually get married, but when the divorce came in 1995, the negative feelings returned and morphed into uncontrollable anger. She did the best she could raising her two children, ages 4 and 8, but she was angry much of the time.
“Don’t give up. When it’s hard, and it’s going to be, get out of that bed, get going, and do something you love.”
At work, she had personality conflicts and sometimes made negative comments to colleagues. Vicky also sometimes sent nasty texts to her children.
Sometimes, my kids wouldn’t talk to me for a while. They couldn’t understand why I was always so mad.
A few years ago, her son read her a description he found online about BPD. He asked her if it sounded familiar.
I started crying. I said, ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ But I couldn’t find anyone to help me. I got books and I started reading about it.
She eventually got an official diagnosis from a psychologist. Vicky tried to take back control of her life. She knew that meant forcing herself to interact with others. At first, she would make plans and cancel them later. But she kept at it.
Vicky recently took a leap of faith and tried online dating. She met someone, but after six months, the man left.
I gave my heart to this guy, and it ended horribly for me.
Feeling the negativity begin to return, Vicky buckled down. Determined not to hide away in her house, she has kept herself busy and is even back to dating again.
Don’t give up. When it’s hard, and it’s going to be, get out of that bed, get going, and do something you love. Remember, there is joy out there. It all gets better.
