Michele
Michele
I’ve learned just how strong I am
Suddenly, a small wave of dizziness overcomes me. Out of nowhere. The room feels like it’s spinning and swaying.
Where did that come from?!? I feel lightheaded. Instinctively, I steady myself against the sudden movement. I lean into my desk.
Just keep talking. Don’t draw attention. It will pass. It’s nothing.
But the dizziness continues. And I keep talking. The words I’m saying reverberate in my head. But they’re muffled. Like I’m underwater.
That’s how Michele described her first panic attack. She chronicled the experience in a piece she wrote for a creative writing class, a class she took when she went back to school to pursue a master’s degree 30 years after she first graduated from college.
Her creative writing assignments allowed her to look back on her battles with severe and debilitating anxiety, panic disorder, depression, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
In a span of 30 years, I watched myself deteriorate from a happy, confident, independent, and financially stable college graduate to experiencing a complete mental breakdown, losing my ability to function on a daily basis.
When I looked in the mirror, I neither recognized myself nor liked the woman staring back at me with sad, lifeless eyes.
Long gone was that girl who was going to set the world on fire.
“My mental health conditions are no longer bigger than me, controlling me. I now manage them.”
For years, Michele fought to find the right combination of therapy and medication for her mental health condition. Also, she confronted many personal and professional challenges that made recovery even more difficult.
Years of continued stressful and sometimes traumatic events occurred—one right after another.
A long-distance relationship, a marriage, working in an environment riddled with layoffs, being on a layoff list two times, the purchase of my first house, a move, deaths of instrumental people in my life and being with them at their time of death.
Finally being laid off from my job, the deterioration of my marriage, an impending divorce, the sale of a house, another purchase of a house, another move, my own year-long illness, and my mother’s terminal battle with multiple myeloma.
And it all took an immense toll on my mental health.
Michele describes her mental health journey as “long, exhausting, lonely, frustrating, and sad.” The journey involved many therapists, many medications, a deep fear of applying for disability benefits, and other challenges.
But somehow Michele persevered.
I went from one end of the spectrum to the other. But with a lot of faith, the right therapist and therapy, the right medications, the right mindset, and by learning the appropriate coping skills, I’ve been able to achieve a more healthy balance.
My mental health conditions are no longer bigger than me, controlling me. I now manage them.
To think that today I’m back in school and I’m pursuing a master’s degree is just flabbergasting! Through this journey, I’ve learned just how strong I am.
Michele has been through a lot over the past 30 years, and she is telling her story to inspire others to have faith, never give up, and seek help for their mental health challenges. From her experience in her creative writing class, she already knows that her story is powerful and can make a difference in people’s lives.
Sometimes in class, we had to read our stories out loud. I remember one time that I read my story, and I got so much positive feedback from everybody in the class.
It really confirmed and demonstrated that I was not alone in my journey.
