Lauren
Lauren
Ask for help and don’t feel ashamed
The first time Lauren experienced a major depressive episode, she didn’t know what was happening.
I was having a lot of anxiety. I wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t eating. I was also having issues with my memory and focus. I couldn’t even sustain my attention on a TV show. I didn’t know that was a symptom of depression.
Lauren attributes significant events to the decline in her mental health. She had just become engaged, and she wasn’t consciously aware she was nervous about life transitions. She and her fiancé had moved, she changed jobs, and she felt isolated in her workplace. At the same time, she decided to stop the antidepressant medication she’d been taking since her teens.
I was trying to prove to myself that I’m not depressed—that I don’t need medication.
It wasn’t until Lauren went to a psychiatrist for sleep medication to use “as a Band-Aid” that she was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and received the help she needed.
Lauren’s psychiatrist referred her to inpatient care at a local psychiatric hospital, where she spent two weeks in treatment, including undergoing a course of electroconvulsive therapy (ECT).
After the first ECT treatment, I slept without meds. After the second treatment, I got my appetite back.
Another change? Lauren’s full range of emotions returned.
I remember my mom saying, ‘I wish we found ECT sooner.’ She was crying. I gave her a hug, and I was crying. That was the big news of the day: I was crying.
ECT helped Lauren return to a full life, including her career in human resources technology.
Companies need to allow disability benefits. I am grateful I was able to take time away from work to seek treatment, and it helped me in such a way that I was able to return to work afterward.
While Lauren is open about her mental health challenges, she still hesitates to tell people she received ECT. Her reluctance stems from the stigma connected to a classic film she watched in high school, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”
There was no anesthesia back then and people have this idea that ECT is barbaric. It’s not. Today, you have anesthesia and a muscle relaxant. A lot of people could probably be helped by ECT—they may just not know about it or have accurate information about it.
Since experiencing her first major depressive episode, Lauren’s life has continued to evolve. She and her husband relocated from the city to the suburbs. Then, after four years of experiencing infertility and pregnancy loss, she gave birth to her daughter.
When Lauren became pregnant, she worried about postpartum depression, but pregnancy and the postpartum period turned out to be an exciting time.
Pregnancy went really well, and then after, I embraced motherhood in a way I was scared I wouldn’t be able to do.
Now that her daughter is a toddler, Lauren sometimes struggles to match her child’s energy levels.
Some days my mood is up and I’m a lot more motivated and playful, and then there are days when I’m just not at all.
Still, she pushes herself. She works hard to balance her career and parenthood.
When you’re a mom, you can’t wait until motivation strikes. You have to do the things you have to do.
Lauren’s husband and family have been supportive through her challenges.
We’ve all learned a ton. I’ve been really honest with them. They’ve seen me struggle and they’ve seen me come back from struggling. They’ve been proud and happy for me.
While Lauren once wanted to prove to herself she didn’t need medication, she no longer feels that way. She takes an antidepressant and sees a psychiatrist and a therapist regularly.
She wants others to know it’s OK to reach out for help.
I encourage people to always ask for help, not feel ashamed, and embrace how they’re feeling.
While Lauren was initially frightened by the idea of receiving ECT, she is grateful she tried it.
There is potential for something positive to happen in seeking appropriate treatment, so I’ve had to face those fears. I’ve had people remind me, ‘Look at what you’ve been able to overcome.’ Even if you’re scared of something at first, it can still help you.
