Larry
Larry
Waltz with life
Larry’s wife has lived with mental health conditions for almost 60 years, but “she never let her depression get in the way of her work.”
Despite her condition, Larry’s wife became a highly sought-after psychotherapist, recognized and showcased multimedia artist, successful writer and published author, storyteller, and poet.
Larry credits his wife’s “determination to never give up” as a major reason for her successes, but he should give himself some credit too.
His ongoing support for his wife has no doubt helped her achieve so much. His support could serve as an example for other caregivers on how they can help those they love—and help themselves along the way.
His wife’s depression has been a constant throughout their 24-year marriage.
I’d love to be able to wave a magic wand to cure my wife, but there ain’t one.
Mental health disorders are like chronic physical health conditions—they aren’t going away. You have to realize that and deal with it.
Faced with this reality, Larry has worked hard to become the best caregiver he can be.
From time to time, he meets with a therapist who gives him guidance on how to be supportive of his wife.
Also, he and his wife belong to a meditation group. “Meditation is a great way to gain some relief from all the stresses one goes through.”
He also checks in with a small group of close friends who are always there to listen. “They’re what I call ‘mindful listeners.’ They don’t judge or give me advice. They listen.”
Not long ago, when Larry’s wife’s condition worsened, and she sought treatment at McLean Hospital, Larry tapped into some new resources.
He became a member of the hospital’s ECT support group and the Kitty and Michael Dukakis ECT support group.
He also joined PFAC (the Patient and Family Advisory Council), a forum that lets staff, patients, and their families share their experiences about care at McLean.
The support groups allow me to hear other people’s stories, which provides me a lot of information.
My willingness to find out more about mental health helps me with what I’m going through, the trials of all of this.
“I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, I can’t cure it, and I can’t change it. I can cope with it.”
For Larry, engaging with supportive individuals and groups, meditating, and maintaining strong friendships has helped him as he cares for his wife.
It has also helped him as he built a successful career as a presentation/speech coach and trainer, speaker, entrepreneur, writer, actor, artist, and educator as he dealt with his own serious health issues.
In 2001, Larry was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer.
To help cope, Larry adopted a mantra that has sustained him through his own struggles and his wife’s battle with mental health challenges: “I learned to dance with death so I could waltz with life.”
Looking back on his many years of being a supportive caregiver while taking the necessary steps to maintain his own physical and mental health, Larry has a great deal of advice to give others.
He passes along something he picked up in one of his support groups, a statement called “The C’s.”
I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, I can’t cure it, and I can’t change it. I can cope with it.
