Daria
Daria
You deserve to feel better
You deserve to feel better. You deserve recovery. And as hard as it is, it is worth it.
This is what Daria would have told her 11-year-old self when the uncontrollable crying at night turned into depression, suicidal thoughts, and hurting herself. It was easy enough to mask at school and ignore her feelings when she was distracted, but eventually the distractions no longer helped her cope. Daria stopped doing the things that brought her joy.
She couldn’t go to work or school, and even simple tasks like laundry and brushing her teeth were too much. She could only manage to lie in bed. Feelings of being in a dark hole became too much and Daria attempted suicide.
All I was thinking about was how bad I felt and how I wanted it to stop. I could not survive without treatment, and I needed to be hospitalized.
At 16, Daria was diagnosed with depressive episodes, generalized anxiety disorder, and PTSD and was hospitalized.
After treatment, she realized people started to treat her differently and seemed to be walking on their tiptoes around her, not wanting to say or do the wrong thing. People would judge her, especially her self-harming behaviors, because they didn’t understand why someone would do that to themselves. A few even stopped talking to her and cut her off completely.
It’s so hard to get help because of how stigmatized mental health is. If I told somebody, ‘I have a cold and have to go to the doctor,’ nobody would question that, right? But if someone says, ‘I struggle with anxiety and have to go to the psychiatrist,’ that’s when people make a fuss.
She recalls how the further she progressed in treatment, the better she felt. Getting help was the best decision she’s ever made despite it still being hard to talk about her experience with others due to widespread misconceptions about mental health.
There will be people who care, there will be people who want to help, and there will be a person who chooses you in a room full of other people. You have to keep going for that person because there is always a reason to stay.
Having been in recovery for a couple of years, Daria is currently enrolled in a pre-medical program at her university. She works in a hospital and enjoys performing musical theater when she has free time. She prioritizes surrounding herself with people who affect her positively and are always there for her. She hopes to be a child psychiatrist one day and help kids struggling with their mental health.
I want to share my story to help somebody out there get help.
