Clare
Clare
You’ve got to find the good in life
It’s been six months since Clare has woken up in a psychiatric hospital, her longest separation from inpatient treatment since 2012.
Over the years, the overwhelming pressure she placed on herself to be a good student, a good friend, and a good daughter led her to suicidal thoughts.
I’m constantly over-thinking things—Am I weird? Am I okay? Do they like being my friend?
I feel like I am one hair trigger away from being rejected, and that’s the worst pain.
Making matters worse was the sense that not everyone felt her condition—borderline personality disorder—was legitimate.
She’s noticed it, most surprisingly, among those she sought help from—members of law enforcement, EMTs, and hospital staff who appeared to act as if Clare’s disorder was a nuisance.
She also noticed the topic was an unwelcome one among family members and friends.
We have the ice bucket challenge for ALS and breast cancer awareness and the diabetes walk.
You can post about those on social media, but if you say you have a mental health condition, people are like ‘What’s wrong with you?’
For someone with such insecurity, Clare feels remarkably at home and confident on stage. In front of the microphone, she belts out songs from the 60’s at local pubs.
Sometimes you’re just so focused on hitting notes that you just feel free.
Clare continues to see a psychiatrist and therapist regularly. She hopes to get her master’s degree in healthcare informatics, a specialty she agrees sounds nerdy, but is fast changing and challenging.
Mental health challenges can make you feel unstable. I want to find a career that I love and work for a living. I want some sense of stability.
