Cameron
Cameron
Something inside me told me to reach out for help
While studying to be a classical flute player, Cameron used music as a coping mechanism, a way to block out their turbulent home life and the tension all around.
Music was all I ever thought about and all I wanted to do. This is around the time that depression and anxiety started to make cameo appearances in my life—a preview of what was to come later.
In college, they threw themself into this music. They became better and better at their instrument and seemed on their way to a career as a musician. But Cameron’s obsession with music hid something lurking underneath.
On the outside, everything looked perfect. But inside, I was toying with suicidal ideation, isolated myself often, and self-harmed to ‘punish myself.’
The pressures of college, the disappointment of not getting into graduate school, and more pushed Cameron to thoughts of suicide, leading to hospitalization.
“If I didn’t reach out for help, I know that I wouldn’t be alive—let’s be honest. There was something calling out inside me that I listened to every time, even when my mental health told me it wasn’t worth it. I’m glad that I did.”
Ultimately, they turned away from music, sought help for depression and anxiety, and moved to Boston to start a new life. But things weren’t easy in their new city.
I couldn’t find work. I was living off of my credit cards. Nothing seemed to be going my way at all.
I ended up planning a suicide attempt. And I made one—I swallowed a handful of pills and waited to just wither away.
However, something inside me told me to reach out for help. Something told me that this wasn’t the answer.
I dialed 911 on myself and off to the hospital I went.
A 10-day stay at the hospital, coupled with the unexpected news of their father’s death, changed Cameron.
When I was discharged, I made a promise to myself to get better once and for all.
From that day forward, I was going to fight back, even if I had to take baby steps.
Now, Cameron is getting treatment, has steady work, and enjoys the support of family and friends.
Moreover, as a transgender man, Cameron is committed to encouraging others in the LGBTQ community who might be faced with mental health challenges to overcome the stigma and get treatment.
If I didn’t reach out for help, I know that I wouldn’t be alive—let’s be honest.
There was something calling out inside me that I listened to every time, even when my mental health told me it wasn’t worth it. I’m glad that I did.
Although I still battle with depression and anxiety every day, there have been wonderful developments in my life that I’m so, so happy that I’m alive to witness.
