Ashley

Every moment of every day, Ashley is in pain—not just from a lifetime of physical and mental abuse, but from stage four endometriosis, a condition in which cells normally confined to the uterus grow outside the uterus.

The pain feels like someone stabbing me in the pelvic area with a knife, carving out my insides like a pumpkin. I’m tired all the time and have very little motivation to do anything I used to enjoy.

The chronic pain added to an extensive history of trauma. Ashley was a victim of sexual and physical abuse as a child. She dropped out of high school after getting married at age 18—a relationship she says was marred by more abuse until her divorce two years later. Ashley would eventually be diagnosed with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), chronic suicidal ideation, anxiety, and severe depression.

At the beginning, I was afraid to seek treatment. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. And people don’t talk about mental health. I tried talking to my friends and family, and they all said that I was crazy and told me there was nothing wrong with me.

After her divorce, Ashley decided to visit a psychiatrist. She says it was helpful, as she worked to get her life back together. Then, the pelvic pain began. In 2022, she had surgery to treat her endometriosis. When the operation didn’t alleviate her symptoms, she lost hope.

I went downhill after that surgery. I had complications and couldn’t take the pain anymore. That led to a suicide attempt.

Overwhelmed, agitated, and angry, Ashley spent months at a time in psychiatric hospitals. There, she learned coping mechanisms. She leans on those, including a commitment to engage in self-care at least once a month—a simple massage or a trip to the movies can boost her spirits. What has helped the most is a new addition to her family—a miniature Australian Shepherd named Bailey.

“Bailey is the only thing keeping me sane right now. Having a puppy forces me to get up and take her for a walk, even when it’s cold. Dogs have a way of making people smile.”

Because of her past suicidal ideation, Ashley checks in with her therapist every night—a quick text to say she’s okay. She wants to tell others not to be discouraged if those you love don’t understand your condition. Therapy is available and it works.

Anyone who is struggling like I am, please know that there is no shame in asking for help. Even if your family doesn’t understand, there are people who do.