Ann
Ann
I found my voice
The symptoms started just after her twins were born. On the days Ann didn’t report to her job as a nurse practitioner in a busy cardiothoracic unit, she had trouble getting up and dressed.
Her reactions to the most basic issues seemed overblown.
If the kids were waking up crying because they were hungry during the night, I would fly into a rage.
I threw pillows across the room because I didn’t want to get up.
Ann’s obstetrician referred her to a women’s mood disorder clinic where she was diagnosed with postpartum depression. To assist her with the boys, Ann’s husband hired a mother’s helper.
But in Ann’s mind, the woman took to her children too quickly. Ann was convinced she was plotting to kidnap the twins and insisted she be fired.
Even after the family moved to Connecticut and she found a new therapist and medication, Ann struggled.
Everything got worse. I went from not getting out of bed to not getting out of bed and planning my suicide.
That’s when Ann experienced her first of four hospitalizations. She tried electroconvulsive therapy, which helped for a while, despite some memory loss.
Then came the months of not sleeping and the drinking—even when her husband wasn’t around.
I would be up and functioning at work, but I would also go on spending sprees and stopped paying our bills.
My therapist at the time called me ‘unruly’ and said he could no longer help me.
Throughout her journey, Ann experienced difficulty accessing quality mental health care.
Psychologists and therapists often had long waiting lists and didn’t take her health insurance. Mental health hospitals didn’t have available beds, and when they did, stuck her in a room with three others.
She also would learn she was misdiagnosed—she actually had bipolar disorder. When Ann came to accept her disorder, she finally started on the road to recovery. She has not been hospitalized in three years.
I started blogging, and people started reading it. I found my voice.
Don’t let people treat you crappy because of mental health issues. I can raise my hand now and say I helped pave the way.
