When Home Feels Heavy: Family Life Amid Emotional Dysregulation and Self-Harm

Available with English captions and subtitles in Spanish.

A conversation with Jim Holsomback on the importance of supporting family members of people who struggle with BPD.

Navigating BPD in the Family

Living with borderline personality disorder (BPD) or struggling with self-harming behaviors can present many challenges. The same is true for those supporting someone with BPD. Loved ones and other care providers need to set healthy boundaries because their well-being is essential.

Holsomback discusses how families can take care of themselves while also helping to care for and support a loved one or friend with BPD.

Watch now to learn more about:

  • How families are affected by caregiving
  • Why it’s important for families to receive support
  • How families can find care for loved ones and themselves

Holsomback has extensive experience working with families in psychiatric programs across the U.S. His work includes helping family systems understand and access evidence-based treatment for the benefit of both patients and their loved ones.

In this session, Holsomback outlines challenges families can face when they support a loved one with BPD.

“Family members are sometimes neglected in their struggle, which is bearing witness to the suffering of the person they care about more than anyone in the world,” he says.

He points out that BPD can be a challenging condition to discuss openly and that other people may not immediately understand what family members are going through. He states it can also be hard for family to find time for self-care when they are consumed with supporting their loved one.

According to Holsomback, it’s important for family members to receive education and support for their own experience—not only for their own well-being, but also so they can have a shared language with their loved one when treatment skills are being used.

Holsomback says families can also benefit from support in finding care for their loved one with BPD. Often, the prospect of finding treatment is daunting, sought in the midst of a crisis, and potentially expensive. He suggests that caregivers ask treatment facilities if they have a panel of alumni or family members of alumni they can ask about factors such as licensing, patient population, and cost.

Above all, Holsomback says it’s important for families to be as much a part of the treatment process as possible.

“Being a family member of somebody who is suffering can be a very lonely experience. Just in bearing witness and supporting someone who is struggling with BPD and self-injury, we ultimately will be better loved ones when we can find ways to take care of ourselves,” he explains.

“Finding other families through support groups that we can openly talk about it with is a great resiliency factor. Then, we feel a lot less alone and a lot more recharged to be our best selves to make sure we’re the best support for the person we care about.”

Audience Questions

  • What can life look like for a family when a member is living with BPD?
  • To what degree does the stigma surrounding BPD become an issue for the family of somebody dealing with BPD?
  • What does isolation look like for a family that is dealing with a challenge around BPD?
  • Do you find in your work with families that there is self-awareness of these issues? Do most recognize they’re not taking care of themselves while they’re taking care of their loved one, for example?
  • Do peer groups exist for caretakers?
  • Are there particular self-care skills that family members and loved ones can learn?
  • How important is it for families to have a unified approach when helping a loved one navigate the challenges of BPD and treatment?
  • Any suggestions for families feeling like they need to walk on eggshells, so to speak, when a member is going through a real BPD challenge?
  • What kind of guidance can you provide for families in terms of dealing with safety issues in the house?
  • Can families sometimes make things worse by avoiding difficult conversations or situations around BPD?
  • How can family members help encourage a loved one that they’re concerned about to actually seek treatment?
  • What guidance can you offer to health care professionals and families about best practices when evaluating a treatment center for their loved one?
  • What should we know about the roles family members can play in treatment itself?
  • How can siblings be helpful in treatment? How can they create challenges?
  • How can family members navigate feelings of shame and guilt in response to a loved one’s BPD?
  • Do families sometimes lose compassion for a loved one who is struggling? What can be done to prevent that from happening?
  • What should family members know about their role in helping coordinate communication between various treatment team members?
  • What are some key takeaways you want to make sure families hear?

The information discussed is intended to be educational and should not be used as a substitute for guidance provided by your health care provider. Please consult with your treatment team before making any changes to your care plan.

Helpful Links

You may also find this information useful:

Support Organizations

Articles, Videos, and More

About the Speaker

Jim Holsomback is currently the director of marketing and clinical outreach for McLean. He has extensive experience working with families and mental health treatment programs across the country. His work includes helping family systems understand and access evidence-based treatment for the benefit of both patients and their loved ones.

Topics