Kevin
Kevin
Waking up used to be a chore—now, it’s a gift
Pop. Pop. An intense bright light. The smell of gunpowder. And then, the blood.
I hit the ground and had no idea if I had been shot or not. I came to the realization very quickly that I was going to die.
Fortunately, Kevin, a police officer who was part of a team responding to a domestic dispute and hostage situation, was not hit by the bullet that targeted him, but by shattered glass. It was July 2013, and Kevin would never be the same again.
My wife and I went to the movies the next night and in that movie there was a scene with a big bang. My heart started racing. The sweat poured out of me. I couldn’t breathe.
Sadly, this wasn’t the first time that Kevin struggled with a difficult personal situation. Kevin had a tough upbringing: as a child, he was labeled a bad kid. He would steal, fight, use drugs and alcohol—always trying to run away from something. His father beat him up physically and beat him down mentally.
I can take a punch, but emotional abuse, especially as a young kid, you don’t know how to deal with it. You feel like a monster is on your back and try to find a new identity.
You figure, if I become the tough kid or the smart kid, everything at home will be okay. But it wasn’t.
“Everyone has peaks and valleys in their life. Just because you are in a valley right now doesn’t mean you are going to stay there.”
Kevin was inspired when someone suggested he become a police officer. He liked that idea because police work isn’t just about tracking down and locking away bad guys, it’s about keeping people safe and giving them hope.
When he joined the force, he finally thought he had found his place in life. But after that domestic call, he couldn’t even brave a thunderstorm without hiding in a closet. The onset of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) led Kevin to a dark place, which included a number of suicide attempts.
I thought I didn’t belong here anymore. I’d say to myself, ‘Kevin, you’re stronger than this.’ But I wasn’t. I became angry and out of control.
That’s when Kevin decided to go to group therapy. There, he realized that he was not alone. Hearing others tell their stories helped him start sleeping again.
In fact, the idea of sharing experiences proved so helpful that Kevin started a weekly podcast where he, his co-host, and guests talk about overcoming adversity.
When I started to tell other people about the pain I went through, somehow it gave people some hope. That identity I was looking for, I seem to have found it in my new purpose—helping other people.
Kevin retired from the police force and now describes himself as “a happy guy.” He has learned to “hug” his pain—to embrace it and learn from it. He encourages others to do the same.
There are moments I get locked inside my own head and feel like an impostor. Why am I talking about this when I’m still struggling? Everyone has peaks and valleys in their life. Just because you are in a valley right now doesn’t mean you are going to stay there.
