Johanne
Johanne
I’m learning how to speak up for myself
Johanne immigrated to New York with her parents when she was 4 years old. After they got divorced, she moved to Massachusetts with her religious mother, who was granted sole custody.
Some of her earliest memories involve seeing and hearing things that weren’t there. When she tried to talk to her mom about her symptoms, she was told to “just pray.”
Johanne dropped out of school in her teens and became a “juvenile delinquent” who snuck out of the house at night and got into car accidents. She was also involved in an abusive relationship.
She had her first child at 20 years old and started experiencing paranoia and distrust toward her son, in addition to getting into major arguments with her new partner.
I realized this wasn’t normal and searched for ways to calm down.
She began practicing yoga and meditation, eventually becoming a certified instructor. Her “explosions” persisted though, and after losing her job, Johanne went to her doctor. She was referred to a therapist and was misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder.
Johanne was then prescribed an antidepressant medication that caused extreme mania. At 38 years old, Johanne went on to see a different therapist who ultimately diagnosed her with bipolar disorder I (BD-I) and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
“I’m learning how to speak up for myself because that voice got taken away. If you ever question why you should ask for help, just know that your life only gets better afterward.”
Upon learning about these conditions, Johanne turned to her yoga community, which insisted that this was “just capitalism and big pharma trying to get me hooked on medication for the rest of my life.” Johanne’s partner didn’t understand her symptoms either, and he questioned her actions.
I seemed to be surrounded by people who would dismiss my thoughts and feelings at every turn, from childhood to adulthood, and in both my personal and professional life.
She recognizes the stigma surrounding mental health, especially that associated with maintaining healthy relationships. She is motivated to help others through sharing her own experience.
I feel like I get more clarity about my mental health struggles from listening to other people’s stories.
Johanne reflects on her experience with the mental health system. She believes that the most courageous thing you can do is ask for help. With support from her therapist, Johanne was able to start the right medication and turn her life around. She went back to school and is about to graduate with a bachelor’s degree in psychology.
She now spends more time with her family and friends and plans to pursue her master’s degree. Johanne wants to contribute to educating others on mental health topics and wants to live in a society that validates people’s experiences instead of alienating them.
I’m learning how to speak up for myself because that voice got taken away. If you ever question why you should ask for help, just know that your life only gets better afterward.
