Debby
Debby
Put your own oxygen mask on first, then assist others
Debby has a lifetime of experience helping people with mental health issues. It started when she was young, growing up with two older brothers, both of whom had schizophrenia.
Along with schizophrenia, both of my brothers had other issues—motor delays, development issues—and it was interesting to grow up with them as their conditions developed.
My parents raised me to know that it’s OK to ask questions and to learn about people who may have different struggles.
Debby never could have anticipated how helpful the lessons her family taught her would turn out to be.
Two years ago, her husband went to Las Vegas and attended the Route 91 Harvest music festival, and he experienced, firsthand, the tragedy resulting when a gunman opened fire on the crowd, killing 59 people and injuring hundreds more.
Not long after, Debby, her husband, and their infant son moved from California to Massachusetts to start a new life.
This traumatizing experience, compounded by some other major life events, left Debby and her family in a difficult spot.
My husband had the anchor job, and he couldn’t work. There was a lot of stress, and I didn’t have a huge base of people to pull from to help.
It hasn’t been an easy process. We’ve had a lot of struggles and some really bad days.
In time, Debby’s husband was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). He went to McLean Hospital for treatment.
Checking in to the hospital was a very scary situation for him.
He’s always been very accepting of individuals with a mental health condition, but to find yourself now in that category takes things to a different level than being just open and accepting.
He thought it was something he would never have to do in life.
“I couldn’t help my husband or support my family if I was struggling. I was getting to the point where I wasn’t helping anybody. But I was lucky that the people around me were very encouraging, and getting help has been so, so helpful.”
McLean’s programs and the hospital’s welcoming community helped Debby’s husband turn things around.
However, the stress of caring for her husband and her son, along with the pressures of moving to a new state and having to go back to work to support the family, became too much for Debby.
She realized that she needed help too.
I decided to start talking to a therapist, and I found myself sharing with her a sense of living a double life.
I talked about being at work, being around people, and having my normal cheery demeanor and going about my daily tasks.
At the same time, these people had no idea that I’m terrified that my husband is not going to be there when I get home.
I seemed like a normal person going through the routine, but I had this other stuff that was scary and intense.
Debby was fortunate that she was able to draw on her experience growing up with her brothers to recognize the need to get help.
Whether you’re a sibling, a spouse, even a friend, many people find themselves in this situation. For me, it came to a head where I had no other option.
Debby says that the need to care for herself while taking care of others reminds her of the instructions flight attendants give when you board an airplane.
They tell you in case of an emergency to put your own oxygen mask on first, then assist others.
In a way, that’s what I needed to do. I couldn’t help my husband or support my family if I was struggling. I was getting to the point where I wasn’t helping anybody.
But I was lucky that the people around me were very encouraging, and getting help has been so, so helpful.
