Debbie
Debbie
A lifelong journey of healing
As a young mother and wife, Debbie never imagined that she would receive a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder (DID). It wasn’t until a child psychologist, who was working with Debbie’s daughter, witnessed Debbie’s symptoms firsthand that her DID was recognized.
This diagnosis forced Debbie to shift how she viewed herself and her place in the world. Now, she takes pride in being a survivor of the childhood abuse that led to the development of DID.
Debbie is part of the 1.5% of the population that lives and learns every day through the lens of DID. Having DID means that Debbie is not alone in her brain—she has multiple alternate personalities, commonly referred to as “alters.” Today, Debbie is thankful for the ways in which her alters have aided in her survival.
They held on to trauma and brutality that I experienced until I could process it, and that saved my sanity. My alters kept me going until I could get to a place where we, as a whole, were safe.
Debbie compares her alters to a family of foster kids who have different needs as a result of experiencing a traumatic past but now need to come together and work as a team.
But that wasn’t always the case. It was a long journey to come to understand herself and her alters.
For Debbie and many other individuals living with DID, her brain developed these alters in response to the unthinkable traumas that she endured as a child.
People don’t want to believe that these types of things happen, but I assure you they do. I want to encourage people to keep an open mind and try to understand that the effects of child abuse can affect victims throughout their adult lives.
The repressed sexual, physical, mental, and emotional abuse that Debbie endured in her early life led to severe dissociative symptoms at a young age—and eventually, the development of alters that held on to her traumatic memories for years.
When Debbie was diagnosed in 1990, the psychotherapies available to her at the time didn’t provide the teachings she needed to help regulate the nervous system, and the experience led to more trauma, causing more fragmentation. These ineffective treatments resulted in Debbie’s denial of her condition. She left treatment and essentially shut the door to her past.
“The greatest gift I have received is the gift of understanding myself and my life experiences that brought me through and to where I am today.”
During the next 15 years, Debbie focused on developing awareness and mindfulness, improving her sleep quality, alleviating brain fog, managing depression and high anxiety, and trying to boost her confidence. Through energy work, yoga, and mindfulness practices, Debbie found fragments of peace and success.
She pursued a career in health care, spending 15 years as a radiology technologist in a cardiac procedural department with some of the nation’s top electrophysiologists, including a world-renowned specialist in electrophysiology.
I was very fortunate to learn from top-notch colleagues. It was a remarkable experience collaborating with specialized teams and providing exceptional care for patients.
Though the hours were long and often very stressful, they were filled with laughter, genuine care, and encouraging words on difficult work days. The rewards in the field of electrophysiology were abundant on many levels.
But her journey was far from over.
None of the mental health work and self-improvement that she had been doing in that time focused on or even mentioned DID or complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD)—two very real disorders that Debbie was living with.
I no longer identified with my past experiences related to deep-rooted trauma work and DID, and I believed I had moved beyond them. I learned years later that I had dissociated from DID and had set out in my mind to live like a very ‘normal’ person with no real past to talk about except for my three children who had grown by then.
This denial was not sustainable. Mental health disorders will affect your life, even if you don’t acknowledge their presence.
Debbie developed severe insomnia, eventually resulting in a mental breakdown. She once again found the courage to seek mental health treatment. This time, her therapy focused on her DID. She saw naturopathic therapists and mental health therapists with experience in dissociative disorders and complex PTSD.
I began to see the DID system of alters as a family of wounded individuals, each carrying their own pains and memories, yet all seeking the same sanctuary of understanding and peace. This revelation became a cornerstone in my journey of bridging us all (alters) together as I began to value the idea of fostering communication and trust within my own mind.
Debbie could now see her disorder in a new light. She also started to consider her alters as allies in the healing process—not separate from her, but a key part of her identity, growth, and survival.
All of the alters in our system, though once abused and neglected, have learned to work together as one family. It took years, but we found a way to come together to bring light and understanding to all of our experiences.
Debbie hopes that by sharing her story, she can bring awareness not only to dissociative identity disorder but also to the impact that childhood abuse has on the developing brain and how that trauma is carried into adulthood.
Debbie encourages others feeling unsure of what is going on with their mind, body, and emotions to be curious within themselves.
I have learned that if you’re really curious about what’s going on inside of you, you will discover the truth within you. Now, I see that I have a beautiful gift inside of me that holds innocence and purity, and many healthy, ‘normal’ desires and hopes that many children who haven’t been abused have within themselves.
Now that the fragmented pieces of myself have come together, everything about all of me makes perfect sense—all of my odd behaviors, my terrors, my insecurities, and the grueling challenges that I have faced. There is nothing wrong with me. I am experiencing normal emotions and reactions to the chronic traumas that I faced, which were not okay and will never be okay. But I am okay!
The greatest gift I have received is the gift of understanding myself and my life experiences that brought me through and to where I am today. I know the universe has my back and I am safe with who I am, with the world around me, and with my God.
