Christy
Christy
Ask for help, you cannot do this alone
Christy had been a firefighter and paramedic for 25 years and loved her job. In September 2013, Christy experienced a fire fatality at work.
She had seen fatalities at work before, but this one affected her in new ways. She was not able to stop thinking about it. She was experiencing high levels of anxiety, crying frequently, drinking excessively, and was very irritable and angry.
It was clear that something was wrong.
A few months later, Christy started seeing a therapist. When the therapist told Christy that she had PSTD, she could not believe it.
No way I have PTSD. This kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me. Whatever is going on, I will just fix it so that all this nonsense can stop.
Christy wanted to snap her fingers and be fixed. She continued to experience symptoms of PTSD, including flashbacks that would play over in her head like a videotape.
“As first responders, we feel we must be the solution to everything. It feels like a sin to ask for help, but when you have PTSD, you need to ask for help.”
One morning, Christy got out of work and felt as if everything was imploding. She thought about killing herself because she could not handle it anymore.
I realized that I needed to deal with it and not just fix it.
She took time off from work and attended a retreat for first responders who had experienced PTSD. Here, she realized that she was not alone, which was a turning point for her.
As I continued to engage in treatment, I came to the discovery that I am enough. I don’t need to be a ‘strong firefighter’ to be of value.
She also learned that PSTD is a physiological condition and is not a testament to her strengths.
Christy now engages in therapy regularly, takes medication, and attends that same retreat yearly as a volunteer.
Christy is a triathlete and a substitute teacher, and she loves spending time with her wife and dog.
Additionally, Christy hosts a podcast in which other first responders with PTSD share their stories with the goal of helping others realize they are not alone.
She is also in the process of publishing a memoir where she shares her story and experience with PTSD.
As first responders, we feel we must be the solution to everything. It feels like a sin to ask for help, but when you have PTSD, you need to ask for help.
It can feel shameful, but you cannot do it alone.
To Christy, getting a diagnosis of PTSD and understanding what it means is one of the best things that has happened to her. She now knows that she does not need to be a firefighter to feel worthwhile.
It is amazing to go through life knowing that I am loved no matter what and don’t need to be somebody or accomplish something for people to care about me.
