Using DBT Skills To Regulate Our Emotions
Learn how to manage feelings using dialectical behavior therapy
March 19, 2026
Emotions are important signals that guide our decisions. Without them, we might not know when to avoid danger, connect with someone we care about, or feel regret after a choice we wish we could undo.
Basic emotions, such as anger, joy, sadness, and fear, shape our daily lives, but our inner world is often more complex. We also feel irritation, ecstasy, shock, and many other states.
Our emotions are influenced by both internal factors, such as our mood, and external elements, including circumstances and past experiences.
Because of this, we sometimes react in ways that feel overwhelming or unhelpful. Emotion regulation skills help us notice, understand, and manage these feelings before they take over.
Keep Reading To Learn
- What emotion regulation means
- How to recognize when emotions aren’t helpful
- How to respond to emotions more effectively
Emotion Regulation Is a Core Tenet of DBT
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is an evidence-based therapy that teaches practical skills to manage emotions, improve relationships, and live a more balanced life. DBT is built on four core skill sets:
- Mindfulness
- Distress tolerance
- Emotion regulation
- Interpersonal effectiveness
This article focuses on emotion regulation, which helps people understand their emotions better, reduce overwhelming feelings, and respond in ways that align with their goals and values.
How Emotion Regulation Works
Emotion regulation helps reduce emotional suffering. While emotions themselves aren’t inherently good or bad, some can feel overwhelming or unhelpful.
These skills teach us to:
- Understand what our emotions are telling us
- Consider whether the emotion is helpful
- Respond more effectively
The goal isn’t to eliminate emotions—that’s impossible and unhealthy. Instead, we learn to manage emotions that cause distress while still acknowledging them.
What Can We Change?
We can adjust the intensity of emotions. For example, if you feel uncontrollable rage, you can use skills like distraction or focusing attention elsewhere to calm down before responding.
We can also change our actions in response to emotions. If you’re about to lash out in anger, pausing and checking in with your feelings can help you respond in a calmer, goal-aligned way.
Sometimes, we can shift emotions indirectly by changing our circumstances or perspective. Feeling down? You might make plans to meet a friend, or remind yourself that you’ve felt this way before and the feeling has always passed.
Why Emotions Can Mislead Us
Emotions give important cues, but strong feelings can sometimes feel like facts. DBT emotion regulation skills help us see situations objectively.
Building an emotional vocabulary—identifying and naming what we’re feeling—helps separate feelings from facts, reduce intensity, and make conscious choices.
By practicing emotion regulation, we can navigate life situations and exist more peacefully in relationships.
A Complete Guide to DBT
What is dialectical behavior therapy? Learn how DBT works, its four core skills, and who benefits. Explore key applications and resources in this complete guide.
Incorporating Emotion Regulation Into Daily Life
While DBT is usually taught in structured group sessions, anyone can apply these concepts in everyday life.
Mastering these skills takes practice and patience. Progress often comes gradually, and adapting skills to your personal values and circumstances is key.
Below are some of the emotion regulation skills taught in DBT. You can also explore other techniques with a therapist or in DBT skills groups.
Consider trying the following strategies the next time you feel overwhelmed or out of control.
Check the Facts
Thoughts and emotions influence each other. Our interpretations shape feelings, and feelings shape perception. When emotions feel too strong, pause and see if they fit the situation. Anxiety may come from assumptions rather than facts.
Walk Through a Check the Facts Example
The next time you feel distressed from an interaction, look at the situation from all sides.
For example:
Your partner doesn’t respond to your text for several hours, and you feel anxious and hurt. You start imagining they’re angry with you or losing interest in the relationship.
- Name your emotion: “I feel anxious and hurt.”
- Identify the facts: “They haven’t replied in 4 hours.”
- Separate facts from assumptions: “I’m assuming they’re upset, but there’s no proof. They could be busy.”
- Check intensity and fit: “Since there’s no evidence of rejection, my anxiety may be stronger than the situation warrants.”
Opposite Action
Changing behavior can influence and shift emotional responses. Use opposite action when emotions are unhelpful or conflict with your goals.
See How Opposite Action Works
When your emotions don’t match the facts, and checking the facts doesn’t reduce the intensity of your emotions, try acting opposite to what you feel—it can shift your emotional response.
For example:
You’re anxious about driving on the highway for an important event, even though you’ve always been a safe driver. Anxiety pushes you to avoid it, but going through with it aligns with your values.
- Name your emotion: “I feel anxious.”
- Check the facts: “Is my anxiety justified? Am I in real danger, or is this an unhelpful urge?”
- Do the opposite of the urge: Drive on the highway.
- Align with values: Acting in line with your goals breaks the cycle of avoidance and strengthens confidence.
Problem-Solving
Problem-solving is helpful when your emotions match reality, and the problem is something you can change. When a problem is real and can be changed, facing it directly can help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed.
Try Problem-Solving
Consider this example:
You notice a new spot on your skin. Your concern is reasonable—skin changes should be evaluated. Aside from the spot, you feel fine.
You’re nervous about seeing a doctor, but avoiding it will likely increase anxiety.
- Identify the problem: “I’m worried about a spot on my skin.”
- Set a realistic goal: See your doctor
- Weigh options: Urgent care (fast but costly) vs. primary care provider (slower but cheaper)
- Choose and act: Call your PCP to schedule an appointment.
- Review and adjust: If the plan doesn’t work, try the alternative (urgent care).
Ride the Wave
When strong emotions hit, remind yourself that they’re temporary, and acting on urges may make things worse. Instead of fighting them, notice them, let them pass, and respond thoughtfully.
Ride the Wave Step-by-Step
For example:
You receive a critical email from a coworker and feel a rush of anger with the urge to respond defensively.
- Notice the emotion: Recognize anger and tension in your body.
- Name the urge: You want to reply immediately.
- Allow the feeling: You remind yourself that the emotion will pass.
- Observe without acting: Focus on your breath as the intensity fades.
- Respond intentionally: Once calmer, you decide how—or whether—to reply.
The Power of Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Anna Precht, PsyD, provides an overview of dialectical behavior therapy and its application, offers tips for finding and working with a DBT provider, and answers audience questions about what to expect during and after treatment.
Knowing When To Reach Out
Emotion regulation skills can be highly effective, but there are times when additional support is important. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional if:
- Your emotions feel intense or unpredictable and don’t improve over time
- You’re having difficulty managing daily responsibilities at work, school, or in relationships
- You notice yourself reacting impulsively or engaging in harmful behaviors to manage feelings
- You’re experiencing persistent sadness, anger, or thoughts of self-harm
Seeking professional support is not a sign of weakness—it’s proactive. Therapy can provide a structured environment to practice emotion regulation skills while exploring the underlying factors contributing to emotional distress.
Finding Balance Through Emotion Regulation
Learning to regulate our emotions doesn’t mean suppressing them or pretending difficult feelings don’t exist. Instead, it means developing a more skillful relationship with our inner experiences. When we can identify what we’re feeling, check whether our emotions match the facts, and choose responses that align with our values, we gain a sense of agency that reduces suffering.
It can be tempting to think we must give in to powerful, difficult emotions—especially when they seem endless. Yet, we often have more control over how we respond than we realize.
DBT’s emotion regulation skills help us manage our emotions, rather than letting them rule our lives. By practicing these skills, alongside other DBT modules such as mindfulness, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness, we can navigate situations and relationships with greater ease.
Contributors
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